writersclub.iafrica.com | trixy_honore | columns Spin the bottle

You've just given birth three short months ago, but you absolutely, uh, have to fit into a slinky little black Calvin Klein dress, because… you know — there's that list: (1) give birth, (2) abandon hope of sleep, (3) have body to rival teenage girl within less time than it takes to get a nose-job.

But Naomi Watts has a little secret to her three-months-after-baby body that she's willing to share with us.

How did she get into that CK frock for the designer's recent London fashion show? "I've got a lot of solid undergarments," reveals Naomi, adding that: "Good classic lines can also help cheer up an out of shape body."

Still, I have a sneaking suspicion that Watts' and my conceptions of 'out of shape' differ rather sharply.

Rapidly changing tack — we go from babies to bees! Yes, Oprah Winfrey has just teamed up with Jerry Seinfeld and others to voice a character in an animated bee movie, called, uh, 'Bee Movie'. And now she can't kill the cute black and yellow critters any more…

"Two bees came around and they were buzzing around my plate. I think they were after the basil... and instead of swatting them away I just allowed myself to be there with the bees," explains the Queen of Talk.

"I am not going to swat the bees because they have families. I'm now thinking: 'They have families...' I'm so affected by this movie."

Hmm, yes. Dare I suggest that Winfrey has veered from the callous cruelty of unnecessarily snuffing out the lives of those little honey-producers, to nuttily anthropomorphising them? Surely there must be some happier middle ground here.

Nicole Kidman is desperately wishing she could find a middle ground between being an overly strict parent — and letting her young daughter get tattooed. Her and Tom Cruise's kids are now headed into those turbulent teen years: their daughter Bella is 15 and their son Connor 12.

Says Kidman: "Bella had a phase of blue hair — luckily that only lasted for a little while. But we recently had a discussion at home about tattoos and I had to lay down some ground rules."

"My husband [that's new man Keith Urban, of course] has tattoos, so obviously I don't mind them on principle. But I do think you have to be a certain age before you can choose to do something as permanent as that, and I don't think that age is 14 or 15. Call me old-fashioned, if you will."

TRIXY HONORÉ

(pronounced On-or-ay) delights in the candyfloss vacuousness of celebrity gossip. Living in New York City, Trixy keeps an eye out for the rich and famous of the Big Apple as she hunts for great vintage clothing and tries to balance the joys of both style and substance. She is a firm believer in nice manners, wrist-length gloves and the greatness of television.

Got something to say about Bitch and Famous? Email her!

I'm certainly not one to go in for the idea of tough parenting, but a firm hand wouldn't have gone amiss in the upbringings of some of Hollywood's current 'It' girls. Think Paris, Lindsay et al…

But now 'American Pie' star Tara Reid has jumped up to tell us that despite her hard-partying reputation, she hasn't gone the way of Hilton or Lohan — because she's not dumb like them!

"I think the reason I never ended up in as much trouble as Paris or Lindsay seem to, is that I'm not stupid — so I'd never do a lot of the things those girls do, and I've always had good friends around me."

"They need to straighten up a little bit and make better investments," says Tara without a trace of irony. "And they should surround themselves with better people who don't let them get themselves in trouble. You'll never read a story about me going out and partying when I'm supposed to be working. Nor would I show up on a set drunk or miss a day's work — never."

Could that be because one of the only things I've even seen Reid in these past few years is that 'Wild On' show on the E! Entertainment channel? I can't say that the word 'stupid' didn't pop into my head almost ceaselessly whenever that blonde thespian opened her mouth.