writersclub.iafrica.com | trixy_honore

Did you blink? I hope not — because then you most likely missed Sunday night's Oscars.

Happily, the writers' strike had ended in time for those inspired little bon mots to get written for the presenters; I could hardly stop laughing — oh, wait, no, it was the wincing I couldn't stop. But that wasn't the worst impact the writers had on the event. With all the uncertainty surrounding the strike, no-one was sure whether the Oscars would actually go ahead until shortly before the event, and a whole lot of the run-up magic/hype just got lost in the process.

I only remembered the Academy Awards were on last Friday, and even then my heart just didn't leap as it used to. I did at least get to watch the ceremony live here in the US, instead of having to get up in the middle of the night or spend the whole of Monday desperately trying to avoid finding out the winners so the show's still a surprise by the rescreening that night.

Sure, you know who all the winners were by now — but, as ever, the real story is who wore what, and how badly, on the red carpet.

Yes, indeed, it's baby season in LaLa-Land, so bump-flattering dresses were all the rage for celebs like Jessica Alba (Why must she breed? Why?), Cate Blanchett and Nicole Kidman (who had the most spectacularly beautiful necklace ever). Most striking, though, was Best Supporting Actress-winner Tilda Swinton, who went for a stark black dress against super-pale skin and make-up. With her flame red hair, it was quite a look.

And it wasn't a look Tilda expected to be taking up on stage — so convinced was she that someone else would win. "I really just had a reverse Zoolander moment when I think I heard someone else's name and suddenly slowly heard my own," said Swinton backstage. "I'm still recovering from that moment, and I have absolutely no idea what happened after that. So, you know, you can tell me my dress fell off and I'd believe you, so don't be cruel."

Poor Keri Russell gets my vote for worst look of the night, with her woefully misguided strapless dress, which somehow managed to both squash her boobs and make them all but disappear. In a word: No.

Still, I don't think the super-down-to-earth and humble Jennifer Hudson should be overlooked. She definitely deserves a worst-dressed nod for her semi-Grecian number. Let's just say that I, personally, would not wear a backless dress if I had boobs the size of my head.

TRIXY HONORÉ

(pronounced On-or-ay) delights in the candyfloss vacuousness of celebrity gossip. Living in New York City, Trixy keeps an eye out for the rich and famous of the Big Apple as she hunts for great vintage clothing and tries to balance the joys of both style and substance. She is a firm believer in nice manners, wrist-length gloves and the greatness of television.

Got something to say about Bitch and Famous? Email her!

Viggo Mortensen was keeping the men in game with his ill-advised, greying beard, which did nothing but make him look like a wild old man of the woods. Johnny Depp, too, was in fine form — with his usual horrible pseudo-tie thing. Of course he would be incredibly hot, if he'd just stop dressing like a fried chicken mogul. Johnny — Colonel Saunders called; he wants his look back.

But despite these fashion gems, the Oscars' ratings were not healthy. The ceremony had its least popular outing in over three decades — despite this having been the 80th anniversary edition of the annual back-slapping fest.

One actress who's glad to have seen the back of the event is Best Actress-winner Marion Cotillard, who picked up a golden statuette for her role in 'La Vie en Rose'. She's had it with all the sitting around talking about herself that's come with being a big Oscar favourite.

She's not too sad to be leaving the US of A, says Marion: "I spent all that [time] talking about myself, which is not what I prefer to do in life; so it's very long and it's much longer than in France. You don't do this, you don't campaign, and so that was kind of weird, to sort of answer the same question about myself. I mean, the life is of the movie going on, but the movie doesn't need us anymore."