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by Toast Coetzer

It happened almost a week ago now, last Saturday. For some it will go by unnoticed, others will always, especially when drunk somewhere thinking of the 'good times', recall where they were when The News Came. Anyway, Hansie is dead and it closes a chapter on something, whatever that was. A kindly reminder of what we've done to sport heroes and how much apparent 'meaning' we can draw from their lives.

So I'm in the Luxorama Theatre in Wynberg last Saturday night, checking out the Sprite Comedy Festival. It's a great venue, but too big for the night, it only gets about half full. The show starts late, the crowd being entertained by Hama DJ-ing some nice hiphop tunes in our direction.

When the show eventually starts, it becomes apparent that the production is a bit messy, to say the least. The show runs with the grace of a wounded sofa - there're grand ideas, a big screen and cordless mics, but it all gets lost. Continuity is broken by loud ads for sponsors on the big screen, announcements are made from behind the curtain, uncomfortable minutes abound. MC Desmond Dube talks copious amounts of kak, hardly ever being funny, and even calling the CCC the Cape Collective Comedy. Well, it's not really his job to be funny though, so we wait for the comedians.

First up is token whiteboy for the evening, Mark Sampson. And while I've heard all his jokes before, he does get the prize for the first Hansie joke, albeit a lame chirp to some dude in the audience wearing a neck brace - "were you in the plane with Hansie?"

Next is sassy Jocelyn Jee from England, managing to relate quite well to the SA audience, thanks to picking up some Afrikaans along the way. Before interval there's a snippet on the big screen showing Paul Llewellyn as a CNN reporter taking the US war in Afghanistan for the piss. Very funny indeed.

After that comes Riaad Moosa, who I hadn't seen before. Wow, what a talent this dude is - his jokes are fresh, his face and body tells the whole story with his tongue and he generally gets the biggest cheers from the audience. Cape Town favourite Kurt Schoonraad follows him, telling some old jokes, but still getting the crowd on his side without any effort at all. Jokes about 'coloured'ness', ripping off white people, classic Datsun models and 'too damn duidelik' are the flavour of the evening here.

As part of a 'development' drive, four young comedians now take the stage to show what they're made of - the crowd has to decide who's best, and there's some neat prize money at stake. They're very impressive - Fred Strydom, Melanie Jones, Kaya Langa (the deadpan oneliner king) and Loyiso Gola. Lanky Loyiso wins the battle of the microphone in the end, saving his famous Mandela joke ("about those promises I made to the people back in 1994… I've been ****ing with you!") for last, thus getting the loudest cheers.

It wasn't until 3 days later when I heard the first good Hansie joke - someone remarked "But did he have to kill two pilots with him?" and from there on, things just got worse. My housemate now reckons Hansie might play in the coming Ashes series…

(Late entry for 'best Hansie joke':
A real life drama, as events unfold -
Dave Levinsohn and a friend are chilling in front of the TV when the news comes up.
Friend: "Shit, Hansie just died. His plane flew into a mountain!"
Dave: "What are the odds on that?"
Friend: "Ten to one.")