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Photos by Sam Reinders

The dateline for this article is: The Cango Caves, Oudtshoorn. More specifically: The Food court, sitting at a table with a leopard print table cloth and writing on a till slip kindly donated to my cause by the (very bored) attendant working at the self serve counter. In front of me is a shop selling luminous pink ostrich feather dusters, Ladysmith Black Mombaza CD’s, Route 62 postcards and certificates saying you have successfully conquered the Cango Caves. A true African shopping experience.

My road trip companions are reliving childhood memories — leopard crawling through small crevices and dodging stalagmites and stalagtites in the Cango Caves. Me: Claustrophobic. And… well… last night took it out of me.

Sitting here among German tourists and decoupaged ostrich eggs, I thought I would give you a run down of Kaktus Op Die Vlaktes — music explosion of the Klein Karoo Nasionale Kunstefees, or KKNK — and the express reason for this stupidly long road trip from Cape Town.

Like a case of assorted bottles of Tass, some of the music was of exceptional vintage (if you have ever had the pleasure of drinking a bottle of Tass bottled in February of 2002 you will know exactly what I mean) and some of the musical offerings were of the slightly vinegary type — still drinkable (what isn’t) but not entirely memorable.

So what rocked the Vlaktes?

A somewhat extended stop at Ronnie’s Sex Shop (Mecca of Route 62) meant a late arrival in SA’s ostrich capital, and as a result, I missed the first two bands that Kaktus had to offer. Thankfully, though, it looked like I wasn’t the only one — when I arrived the crowds were VERY slowly dripping into the venue.

Besides the 40 degree heat I couldn’t help but think that the absence of legendary names such as Koos Kombuis and Valient Swart on the line up would account for a smaller 2003 crowd.

First up (for me anyway) was Kobus! With a voice that can only be achieved from smoking too many cigarettes, Francois — lead vocalist and ranter — got a handful of people up and to the front of the stage. His Ozzy-esqe stage persona, however, seemed a little too harsh for the afternoon crowd who, I think, would have preferred something, let's say, a little more chilled.

Because a great music show is a symbiotic relationship between band and audience, Kobus! didn’t seem to get going — as I know they can. Their individual skill and brilliance, however, still shone through. Theo’s guitar work was as dazzling as ever and as far as stage presence goes it is very difficult to beat Francois’ ability to keep the crowd dangerously captive. A highlight was 'Hoenderman' — where Frank Opperman, in fits of giggles, did a clucking chicken impersonation to accompany the music.

Relax took over the reigns from Kobus! and whipped the now swollen beer induced crowd into a stage-diving frenzy. People were ready for a massive party — and Relax took them there.

Having had the opportunity to see this Dutch hip-hop crew on stage three times previously I can say, with authority, that this gig was one of their best. The amazing sound and lighting — care of Dagga Dirk and his team — gave their set a glow and vibrancy that made you swing your hips. Relax’s hip-hop contribution is polished and accessible, and the crowd (especially the girls in the crowd, it seemed) lapped it up like a saucer of milk.

A little danced-out I took a seat near the back for the next bands. Beeskraal — with lead singer Charles in what must have been a very sweaty Elvis costume and wig — kept the post-Relax crowd on their feet. Man! These guys can rock and roll. As one journalist put it: Imagine AC/DC with a concertina or the Clash with a banjo! A difficult image, a sweet result.

Die Derde Wereld Swart Botha Slagorkes (made up of a combination of Afrikaans musical geniuses especially for Kaktus 2003) was up next and while I took to the queue for a boerie roll I listened to the sweet sounds from Jack Hammer's mouth organ and the memory-filled lyrics to 'A Suitcase vol Winter'.

Good thing I refuelled. Karen Zoid, SA’s very own Rock Chick (capitals intended), was up next.

Maybe my expectations were too high, maybe my road trip too long, but Ms Zoid (South Africa’s Sheryl Crow?) didn’t seem to give it her 100 percent. Yes, there was a real live fire breather on stage. Yes, there was the usual head banging angst-ridden hardcore-ness, but my hair wasn’t blown back. The crowds, however, seemed to diverge into an epileptic fit by her very appearance and it goes without saying that Karen Zoid has a massive cult following! Screaming fans knew every single lyric that escaped from Karen’s mouth and when her set came to an end many Kaktus-goers left, content.

Albert Frost and Simon Orange tantalised the far thinner crowd with a “best of” set from their musical wanderings over the past few years. From 'Kamakastig Land' to 'I’d Rather be Sad than Happily Married' — to my personal favourite, 'Electric Trainride'. Music that memories are made to.

Albert has developed a very loyal support base and, by the sights and sounds of the remaining crowd, is looked upon as a rock god. A few more songs and the crowd would have knelt in prayer, I promise you.

African Rhythm Travellers were the last to grace Kaktus. Their musical style can only be described as interesting. A complete concoction of influences and backgrounds igniting in a dynamic stage performance. It was such a pity that they were last on stage because by now my feet were swearing at my head to please go to bed… and I stumbled back to my tent, just making it.

My dying thought: To find out more about these guys. Watch this space.

So, folks, that was Kaktus op die Vlaktes 2003.

Ten hours there (with five people in the car it was imperative to stop every half an hour to let blood flow to all the limbs)…. six hours of musical bliss... and ten hours back. Nice.