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It’s that time of the year again when lovers and admirers should be declaring their love, sending hearts pounding and maybe popping the proverbial marriage proposal; yes it’s Valentine’s Day. But has the romance left this day, has dear old Valentine’s true meaning been thrown out the window along with a hefty till slip?

Every year, without fail, as the Christmas lights dim, and baubles are packed away, Retailers stare at empty tills and cry; but not for long. Within days their spirits rise as Valentine’s Day stares them in the face. They rub their hands in glee at the prospect of gullible customers, depositing obscene amounts of money into their ever-increasing bank accounts.

Now let’s not be too harsh here, let’s give the Retailers some credit. After all, if we the public refused to purchase Red Roses at 6 times the normal price, and avoided the silky boxer shorts with a little horny devil, then they wouldn’t be stocking them year after year. So well done boys, you are only giving us what we want. But seriously now, do we really need pink food mixers and heart shaped ramekins?

I kid you not, this year I received an email from a retailer, beautifully created - must have cost a fortune to produce - advertising their gorgeous, must have, absolutely perfect Valentine’s Gifts for the Missus. I’m a Missus and I can tell you, if my other half presented me with a pink, yes I said pink food mixer, I’d tell him where he could store that darn thing.

Just what exactly is that gift saying? It doesn’t say I love you, it doesn’t say I worship the ground you walk on, it doesn’t even say, I couldn’t live without you. It just kind of says, bake me something I’ll enjoy I’m hungry. Have you ever tried snuggling up to a cold appliance at night even if it is pink?

My other favourites are the chocolates and roses. Roses are beautiful and always a treasured gift for the fairer sex. But why do they suddenly become more costly on the 14th February? Is it because they are grown in manure that was elegantly extracted from gold plated pigsties?

The chocolates are a killer. How many women do you know, are not on a diet? That sigh of delight originating from the depths of her heart, is actually a groan of despair from her stomach. Boys do you know how many calories are in a box of chocolate-coated soft centred delights? And do you know how many weeks of sweat and exercise it’s going to take to shift them?

So all in all boys, forget the impersonal appliances in any shade of pink or red, avoid the chocolate counter unless your intended has a metabolism that qualifies for an Olympic Gold Medal in speed, and hesitate over the Roses.

Oh yeah one last thing, the red and black underwear, the titillating lingerie that makes you go all weak at the knees when you see it. Boys you only want your partner to wear it long enough for her to take it off, so what’s the point. How about you try wearing that piece of floss up your backside and tell your lovely partner how sexy you feel in it.

Maybe I’m a cynic, maybe I’m not in a romantic mood, or maybe I don’t need to wait for one day a year to declare my love to my partner.

Happy Valentine’s Day everybody.