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In old Hollywood changing one’s name for fame was the done thing. Frances Gumm became Judy Garland, Archibald Leach became Cary Grant, Lucille LeSueur became Joan Crawford… the list goes on and on. Some still do it, but nowadays the abbreviation-hungry gossip press have created a world in which the rich and famous must vet all possible pairings of their names with those of potential partners before accepting an invite to this week’s premiere.

It all started with “Bennifer”. Remember them? Ben Affleck and Jennifer “J-Lo/Jenny from the Block/insert pretentious self-styled nickname of the week here” Lopez? This moniker inexplicably launched a craze for hybrid names to describe Hollywood’s sweethearts – a practice which has long outlasted the relationship which inspired it. The madness continued with “Brangelina”, a couple comprising Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Now we have “Tomatie” – Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes – and who with a nodding acquaintance with Afrikaans can avoid a mental image of a squelchy, red salad fruit upon hearing that? This has recently been upgraded to the slightly more palatable “TomKat”.

Admittedly, it does make a great word game for long journeys in the car. Beyoncé Knowles and Jay Z form the rather unfortunate (if pronounced correctly) “Bejay”. Bill and Hillary Clinton, poor things, become “Billary”. And best of all, with a little twisting Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston’s name could be “VinJence” (“vengeance”, geddit?).

Fortunately rock stars are spared this mangling. Had Nicole Kidman and Lenny Kravitz’s short-lived romance lasted, they may now have been known to the world as Lecol. Sid Vicious and Nancy (had they lived to see this day) might have become Nancid – too close to Rancid for comfort.

I can only thank the Hollywood gods that this is a recent phenomenon. To have dubbed the screen’s most immortal couple, Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy, “Kancer” would have gone well beyond the bounds of good taste, and yet, no doubt, someone would have done it.