|
|
  | | |
|
» Columns
| THE BOILER ROOM Reality TV for politicians Amod Munga So 'Project Fame', that most recent in a long line of tiresome, glorified talent shows has come to its end, leaving me filled with a sense of wonder at the kind sub-par drivel which passes for entertainment these days. What really frosts my cookies is how the Powers That Be behind these examples of the tripe that passes as entertainment these days continue to go to the well on the same topics. I’m so sick of these flash-in-the-pan instant-schlebs and nevergonna-be’s. Why not make it more relevant? Hell, any relevance at all would be a refreshing change. How about running our political fun 'n games along the lines of the current litany of game shows? Hell, it could even pass as reality TV-style elections. It could be something as simple as '30 Seconds to Fame’, where political candidates would be allowed to do whatever it takes in their allotted thirty seconds to gain the public’s vote. Trevor Manuel would shine as a juggler par excellence. Manto Tshabalala-Msimang could entertain us with her own “special” brand of comedy that she’s crafted so well during her time as Minister of Health. Tony Leon could roll over and play dead. What of a ‘The Weakest Link’ scenario? Although some of our candidates may be hard pressed to answer let alone tell the truth. Fiona Coyne: “What is the capital of South Africa?” Mangasotho Buthelezi: “Well, erm, we, um… the answer to that question is… um…the answer to that question is… without meaning… er… without meaning to be … erm, contentious… um, the answer is, erm… what was the question?” Of course, the game is not just answering questions. There’s also the banking aspect of the game to consider and let’s face it, our politicians are a lot better at spending than saving. Moving along there’s the always popular ‘Pop Idol’ format. Because the voting system is phone-in based, the immediate effect of holding elections in this format is that those people who hitherto did not have ready access to telephones, would all receive connections instant, thanks to a plan that the ruling body would claim they had had in the pipeline for decades. Telkom shares would rise and the cellular phone company senior stockholders would be grinning from ear to ear — maybe not such a good idea. Always difficult in such a contest is the choice of song, but I spent a little time considering this and have the following suggestions for our role-players:
Again not all our candidates would be comfortable in such a scenario. I think especially of our dear president in office, Mr. Thabo Mbeki who has a serious problem emoting, let alone convincing the world he is a flesh and blood person. If his eyes didn’t blink from time to time, I would swear he was catatonic. The ‘Big Brother’ concept would be wasted on this lot. Would you really want to watch a bunch of people hanging around in a house with nothing to do when they can’t even stay awake in Parliament? I think not. So moving along, I come to the ultimate in political game show formats, the aptly named, ‘Survivor’. We could stuff them into a township ghetto for a month or so and force them to undergo appropriate reward challenges (begging for food, money) and immunity contests (successfully hoodwink the constituency with electoral promises about housing and spend more time in the game). The beauty of this version is that unlike traditional Survivor, we could have any amount of tribes, although it would stand to reason that unless the smaller tribes unite, the biggest of the tribes would always win the challenges. Of course it wouldn’t help that we’d allow for Tribal Council crossings at the last minute, so members from different tribes could switch sides at the drop of a hat. Obviously this leaves the door open for a tribe member like Marthinus van Schalkwyk to disband his tribe on the turn and move on over to the bigger tribes. Thabo Mbeki would accuse all the other tribes of subversion and treason whenever he lost a challenge. Manto Tshabalala-Msimang would convince the other tribes that eating rice would make them ill. Tony Leon’s tribe would lose every challenge from day one and eventually eat each other. Patricia De Lille’s tribe would simply sign up Johnny De Lange and go around snot-klapping the opposing tribes. Besides all this fun there’d be accusations and rumours aplenty of tribe members selling secrets between tribes, shelter development scandals and so on and so forth. C’est las vie dans Afrique de Sud. Yes, it’s not much different to what we’re used to, but at least if we’re going to pay this lot to monkey around on our time, we might as well have cameras following them around while they do it. Would it change things? Probably not, but at least it would be wonderful, welcomed change to the rubbish we’re subjected too on the box. We can dream, can’t we? “TONIGHT on Survivor: Soweto, Mangasotho forgets his name and Jacob Zuma denies his involvement in a “rice for wheelbarrows” deal.”
Richard Hatch, eat your heart out.
| | |
| |||
