ALEKS KEMPISTY
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F1 COLUMN
Monaco Mayhem
Aleks Kempisty

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Monaco is a country synonymous with glamour, beauty, style, royalty and of course the most prestigious grand prix on the calendar. If you’re after an expensive piece of real estate, a boat or two and a couple of Lamborghini Diablos then you’re at the right place as this is a country which takes excess to an entirely new level.

So with all this overindulgence on ample display perhaps Michael Schumacher felt that he should join in the revelry and hence lost his concentration for a split moment and parked the car during qualifying? Perhaps he had had a little too much vintage champagne on Friday night? Or perhaps he did deliberately try to spoil Fernando Alonso’s burst for pole glory?

For once (and based on their track record probably the only time) the FIA sided with the teams protesting against Michael and stripped him of his pole thereby relegating him to the back of the grid. Now that is certainly not something you see too often — an all scarlet back row. But it certainly put a great big smile on my face! For those of you wondering what little Felipe was doing back there — well it seems that he had a minor altercation with one of the barriers. All together now: "Aaaaw shame!"

Michael is the most popular topic around the paddock this weekend but having started from the back of the grid he showed us exactly why he is a seven-time world champion with impeccable driving skills which saw him hustling Barrichello all the way to the finish line with a fifth place finish.

I don’t claim to be a fan of Mr Schumacher but even I have to admire his performance on Sunday (and only Sunday). Massa, bless his dear little heart, tried so very hard to show that he is a talented driver but when you’re competing against a living sporting legend you are setting yourself up for an Empire State Building type fall. Massa finished in ninth but not on merit — be patient and I will reveal all.

With Fernando Alonso being promoted to pole after Michael’s demotion he was joined on the front row of the grid by the very likeable Aussie, Mark Webber. The Williams boys were looking really strong this weekend and Webber was right on the tail of Kimi and Alonso. But Lady Luck had not been paid her dues so, whilst Alonso and Kimi were bustled through the traffic amidst a shower of blue flags, Webber was left behind to try and overtake on his own steam. And what are the chances of that happening in Monte Carlo?

Webber was ultimately forced to retire when his engine blew on the exit from the pit lane. So that’s one threat less for Alonso.

Next victim was Kimi Raikkonen. The Iceman has been persistently plagued by reliability problems and the Monaco deities were not smiling down on the Finn as what looked like an engine failure put an end to his race. Instead of heading back to the pits Kimi removed his shirt displaying his alabaster chest and watched the rest of the race perched atop a lounger on his yacht. You can’t really blame him when the choice is either relaxing in the lap of luxury with a cold can of the good stuff in your hand or listening to Ron Dennis trying to explain for the 100th time that the McLaren’s problems are a thing of the past and this was just a once off and it will never happen again and why you should re-sign with them on a long term contract extending until such time as England win the World Cup!



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